Where I've been

Life is super hectic as my first year starts to come to a close. I have several research products/presentations that I need to prepare, and soon I'll need to start studying for exams so I can bring my marks up, so I haven't really had time to write. I'm not sure if I'll be doing Screnzy this year or not. I really want to, since I enjoyed it last year, but April is when I'm writing my exams. I'll have to measure my ability to deal with both and go from there, so it's up in the air at the moment. I do have an idea for it, though, so if I decide to do it, it'll all work out.

But, yeah, this is where I'm at. That and having major deja vu apparnetly. It's so distracting I've lost what I was going to say. Anywho, cheers for now!

Indefinite Hiatus

I give up. My head's not being very nice, so writing is going on the backburner if not in the garbage. Probably won't be back, but we'll see.
If you've actually read any of this, and aren't simply propogating your own blog (since, yeah, I do check my traffic sources), thank you.
Cheers and good luck

Bad Days

Today has been a very long day. One of the ones that you dread happening at any point during NaNoWriMo, but especially this early. To begin with, I have a ton of assignments all due within a day of each other and they all have to be done and done well. I have ideas for two of them, one of them is very vaguely outlined and has the first few sentences of the introduction written, but that's about it. I still have a full line of research to complete for another essay where I'm not allowed to use any material from the course text. Next, I have a ton of personal stuff going on that is leaving me very distracted and that is extraordinarily emotionally draining. Couple that with pre-existing procrastination problems and you've got yourself a winning souffle of fail. It means I spend hours staring at pages unable to do anything, and instead skimming around the internet instead of working on my mountain of homework (which includes a ton of reading, too, not just a few assignments) or working on NaNoWriMo.

Which brings me here. It's 10:30 at night and I am exhausted. Plain and simple. I want to work on WriMo, I also want to get the paper done that I swore to myself I'd get done yesterday. But I can't. I have my fingers on the keys and add maybe a dozen words to my file, or I hold my pencil and poke dots onto my paper. Some days, nothing's going to come. Days like today. And what do you need to do sometimes when that happens? Promise to do it in the morning. Make a commitment to follow through. Go to bed.

Good night.

Another Way to Find Me

For those of you dying to see what I've been up to, I have twitter. I update it far more often than I blog, since it's better for being passive aggressive. Like usual, I'm littlestnewt - go follow me!

Surviving

So, I'm having a bit of a rough time of things at school, but I'm getting through it. Hopefully I'll be able to get over myself enough to keep writing. I've been kinda keeping a journal but that's definitely for my eyes only, so it'd be nice to have something to show everyone for once. I may take to posting snippets of the story I'm working on on here. Probably not the entire thing. I don't even know if I'll ever show the internet the entire thing, but some of it will come to light. Cheers.

Startling Realization

I just realized that today is my last normal day at home forever. Tomorrow's my last day here, but the evening'll be different because I'll have to be ready for the morning. After Monday, everything changes forever. It's extraordinarily terrifying. But also exciting. There are a million new opportunities now. Anyway, back to writing my BRAND NEW STORY (that's actually going well). Cheers!

Death and a Tiny Religion Rant

Sooo, my great uncle died this morning. He's been in a nursing home for a number of years, and lost the ability to recognize, well, anyone a while ago so I'm not too, too torn up about it (I didn't know him very well before that, anyways). Does it suck? Yeah. Do people die? Yes. All the time. People who are young and healthy and haven't lived a very successful life. Does it still suck? Definitely.

I just want to point out that while my family appreciates condolences and thoughts and stuff, if anyone specifically prays with me in mind and tells me about it I'm not a fan. I do not believe in that sort of thing. If it makes you feel better, go right ahead, but please don't completely disregard my beliefs and pray to a deity that isn't mine about me and then point it out to me. I appreciate the sentiment very much, but I'd rather just be in someone's thoughts than their prayers. Thank you. (Please note that I speak only for myself when I say this, I am not by any means speaking for my family, as I'm absolutely certain they all have their own opinions on this matter.)

Slow Going

I'm starting on a new idea as of today. Since I'm not sure how long I'll stick with it, but I suppose it's about time I get back in the game. I've discovered that when there's a lot of stuff going on, that's it's really difficult to get on with writing. I've had other things to do while I've been up to my ears in writing as well, but never anything like this. Those other times always involved more imminent deadlines. Nothing was quite as concrete, and there was always room for procrastinating. Plus, the things weren't that big. But this time, I can't procrastinate because huge changes are ahead for me in the very near future.

For the first time in my life, I'm on my own. I know it's a transition period, and I'm not really on my own, but my parents aren't living with me. I'll be in my own little room among hundreds of other students all working towards the same general thing - a better future, and something constructive to fill the time with before facing the real world. Everyone's so alike, but nobody's me except for me. And that's what's really filling my head, because I don't know what to do. It's hard to focus on an imaginary world when I'm so invested in trying to figure out my ow and dream up ways to make sure it turns out well.

Plus, I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to put up with that a year early. There are tons of other people leaving, and I know we all mature differently, but it sucks leaving home at 17. I mean, I could've done a victory lap, but I never, ever wanted to. I don't see the value. In all honesty, I think they're stupid. Unless someone has a damn good reason to be taking one (ie expressly needing to be at school to experience one thing or another) they should be out doing something valuable for the community rather than sitting on their asses in a school. I get that people may not be ready to leave home. That's fine. I just don't see the point in taking up space. That part bothers me. Unless there's something you really need to be learning, you could be learning by working part time and also volunteering or something.

Before I get into that rant and offend people more than I likely already have, that's why writing's so rough right now. I've never been in a situation where I desperately want to avoid writing. It's not like writer's block where it's indifferent, this is either I really want to write but can't or I don't want to go near it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously afraid of creating something and having it backfire, which could reflect my own world. Or maybe I'll become so invested in something that I completely abandon my attempt to recreate myself at university. Who knows. All I know is that this is the most ominous blank page that I have ever stared at.

So Here's the Thing...

I have braces. Again. I had them a few years ago, and they put them back on because the first time (and a very painful fibrotomy) didn't work it seems. So, it's quite distracting. Until you've had your braces put on with the strongest wire and elastics from the get go, you'll never know how distracting this sort of thing can be (unless you've had some other sort of horrible mouth contraption, in which case you'll know how distracting that can be, I can only speak to tissue biopsies, fibrotomies, and braces). Basically, I'm being a baby and whining constantly rather than doing something productive. Oh, well. That's the way the cookie crumbles.

Moving Forward

I graduated from high school last night. It was kind of awesome, but awful at the same time. There's nothing stranger than walking down a hallway full of your classmates and realizing that you may never see some of them again (and liking that with some people, which makes me feel like a horrible person). Everything's just so strange. But fantastic because I can finally say that I've completed high school on forms! I can also say that I was awarded the biggest scholarship that my school offers, which is kind of cool and immensely helpful. Although I hate hearing people give speeches on me, it's awfully awkward. But, I like the money I can get out of it.

Now that that's out of the way I can really focus on writing again once I get back in the groove. I had planned to write a road trip style story that I've had in mind for a while, but I decided that I want to finish my fantasy trilogy, so that'll be my focus this summer. Ideally I'd like to get the really skinny first drafts for the second and third books done. This will probably happen with the help of NaNoWriMo camp, which is essentially WriMo but over the summer. Maybe I'll be able to get it done way earlier and be one of those people with hundreds of thousands of words in their pieces. But we'll just have to wait and see. I start working on my second book (which was started in the original NaNoWriMo that that series had come from a few years ago) tomorrow. Here's to hoping that everything's gonna go well and I can finish! And then get to revising...ew. Cheers!

Exams...

Are over! I've officially written my last high school exams. Know what this means? I can actually write again! This means blogging, and stories and my webcomic scripting and revising my novel (which I started doing on...Sunday I think). Point is, I'm back! And I'm excited and itching to work, especially on the Giving Child.

Also, I noticed a recent spike in readers from Russia. Which is exciting, since, as you know, I like Russia a lot. I've been looking into Russian sign language recently, since I've recently memorised the ASL finger spelling alphabet (kinda, I'm still slow and there's a letter or two I don't remember, but I'm getting there!). Although that seems hard, so for now I'm sticking with ASL. If anyone knows of any resources for any sort of sign language though, I'd love to hear about it.

Back To Here

So I have ideas for Away From Here! I'm excited! Unfortunately, though, exams are coming up so I have next to no time to write. It sucks. But starting on the 24th I can get back into writing full force. Unless I have a job. Which I desperately need. So I'm not sure which I want more, but we'll see. If you're noticing a lack of posts, or else that they're ridiculously short, that also happens to be why, since I can't dedicate too much time to blogging. Actually, I shouldn't really be dedicating my time to anything that's not schoolwork, buuut, sometimes it's hard. For instance right now I'm taking an...extended break. That I should really end. Siiiigh. Oh, well. Later days.

Job Update

I didn't get it. I'm angry/disappointed/dejected as hell but I'm not surprised.

One Day More

No, this is not a post dedicated to my love of Les Miserables. It's about the fact that I find out tomorrow whether or not I got the job. There's only one day left. I'm nervous.

Interview Update

I did it. I didn`t do it well, but I got through it. My problem is that I get nervous and I can`t organize my thoughts. So I fail miserably. That and the fact that I`m sorely unqualified, but I`m really passionate and a quick learner and I hope my interviewers picked up on that. Not to mention I really need some sort of income. I can`t afford school without it. I`ll find out on Tuesday whether or not I got it. Here`s to hoping it went alright.

Interview

I'm very fortunate to live in a community that takes literacy seriously. I have a huge passion for words, if you haven't already noticed, so I love that there are organizations that share the same love as I do. And guess what? I have an interview for a job with one of them! I am beyond excited, so hopefully it goes well. We'll just have to wait and see. I'll post how it goes. :)

Wee Bit of an Obsession With Being Special

A little while ago, I donated blood. It was something I've been dying to do for a really long time, no pun intended, and while I seemed really nervous apparently, I really wasn't. In actual fact, it was really kind of awesome. How amazing is it to sit there for 5-10 minutes and know that the tiny donation you've given could save 3 lives?

Anyway, today I got my card. For those of you who aren't familiar with the Canadian system (or at least Ontario, but I'm pretty sure it's Canada-wide) you donate blood and they send you a card with your name on it and stuff including your blood type. I'd always been told I was A-. I told people I was A-. I was all excited because that meant I was one of only 6% of the Canadian population with blood like then. I didn't look at my card, or the letter it was tucked in. I went straight to the booklet and I noticed that O+ was 39% of the population (or something like that).

Then I looked at my letter. It told me I was O-. It said it was rare and the most needed, because anyone can receive it. I nearly cried. I thought it was the one where I was most common. For some reason that really, really bothered me. I freak out over strange things. Not only was I no longer special, but I couldn't remember enough about blood types to figure out how it was even possible when both of my parents are A-.

So like the average teen, I went straight to Google. There I found out that it is recessive. So I had to receive the O part from both of my parents. I don't know enough about blood to understand the transmission of positive or negative, but that meant I was special. I cheered up. And then I went and actually looked at the booklet and realized that I'd remembered the wrong figure. There's only 7% of the population with a blood type like mine, and we're the most needed. It's not the rarest, but there was a sticker on my card telling me that I have rare blood and that I should donate.

I'm going to. I had been planning on getting my ears pierced right away and then donating after the waiting period is over, but I'm not. I'm going to hold off for an indefinite period of time because I want to keep donating as often as I can. I'm useful. I get to listen to the Canadian Blood Services announcements where they say that there's a need for O- blood and know that I can help fill that. I can save people. Anybody. Maybe you if you're reading this. Think about it - my blood could save you. Now that's a pretty special thing, isn't it.

Snow and Music

Today is Saturday. Which was fun. Involved the visiting of friends. However, it was yesterday that I'd like to highlight. Now, wee bit of exposition. I've been playing flute for going on seven years. (And piano for two years more. Not well, mind, but I can play both.) So, given my useless experience, I've joined band. They're rather unrelated, we have some incredibly talented musicians in band, I just so happen to not be one of them. Anyways, bands (I'm in concert, just figured I should specify, in addition to a flute ensemble, but that doesn't come into play today), enter music festivals to be adjudicated in order to grow and learn since you never stop learning if you're involved with music.

Our director doesn't like the local festival, so we go to Sudbury. Which is a 3.5 hour drive or so away from our school. So off trekked the members of our band to the school to leave at 7:30, which really isn't all that early. We drove, stopped shortly to get changed and potentially grab something to snack on on our way to the school that was hosting the festival.

That in and of itself was an adventure. The school was practically all stairs. It was absolutely ginormous. Coming from a school of around 500 students that has a total of 9 hallways, in addition to three staircases to get to our very tiny second floor, we were all in awe. There were stairs everywhere, and seemingly never ending floors. While it was clearly very old, they had some absolutely amazing murals. I really rather wish my school had the drive and the finances to do something like that, but that's neither here nor there. But we got to the auditorium (which was another unheard of thing, my school has a gym that we push the weight equipment to the side of if it needs to be used, and they hate the band program because they're pretentious idiots, so we never use the stage for band, the play does, but that's different, but the band just uses the floor to avoid being harassed), played, and went to go home.

It was snowing on the way home. Actually, it was snowing when we got there, but it was bad. And we had time constraints, since everyone wanted to be back for the annual semi formal dance. Especially me, since I'm on student council and am expected to help out with it, running things. The weather didn't like that though. So we got stuck behind a plow in absolutely awful weather that just kept getting worse. It took eons to get even to Parry Sound. While we were driving, apparently there were several accidents. We saw one car on its roof at the side of the road. Then I guess other students witnessed people going into ditches and whatnot. However, what really bothered me the most, and that's still haunting me, is the accident I witness. Keep in mind, that I've never seen an accident happen before. Ever. Actually witnessing that would have been traumatizing in and of itself, if it weren't for the way it happened. I was staring out the front window of the coach bus, since I get car sick and it helps to look out the front, and all you can hear is the faint screaming of breaks. Then a car in the lane beside us apparently spins (this part I missed) and slammed head on into the guardrail. That part a saw. Our bus didn't stop. That I can kinda understand, we couldn't get over, it was mucky, and there are kids on board so we have to avoid being a liability. But we didn't even call 911. I had no idea where we were, so I couldn't do it. All I know is that someone could have been seriously hurt, but we couldn't tell because we were already gone. From what I could see no one else was stopping either. Even if we couldn't stop, we should have called and let them know. If nothing else, they could have damaged the guardrail which could hurt someone else, if not bashed their head in during their own accident. So I'm still horrified by that and not knowing if the person (or people, I just realized there could've been more than one in the car, which makes it even worse) was hurt, and not knowing if they got help in time. Because of this, though, I think I got an idea for a potential novel, but we'll see.

Anyways, so we continued to slog on. Snow turned to sleety rain. Sleety rain turned to more freezing rain. Then freezing rain turned into rain that was technically freezing but didn't seem to be as loud. We made it home. An hour later than planned, but we did it.

And that is my fabulous anecdote. It's nice to write it down, get rid of my car accident demons. I just really hope everyone involved was okay, and that everyone else who was in an accident on the road that night is fine, too.

This wasn't really about my life, but if we were to talk just about my life nothing exciting would happen. So you get my bad band story.

I'm done babbling now. Cheers.