Slow Going

I'm starting on a new idea as of today. Since I'm not sure how long I'll stick with it, but I suppose it's about time I get back in the game. I've discovered that when there's a lot of stuff going on, that's it's really difficult to get on with writing. I've had other things to do while I've been up to my ears in writing as well, but never anything like this. Those other times always involved more imminent deadlines. Nothing was quite as concrete, and there was always room for procrastinating. Plus, the things weren't that big. But this time, I can't procrastinate because huge changes are ahead for me in the very near future.

For the first time in my life, I'm on my own. I know it's a transition period, and I'm not really on my own, but my parents aren't living with me. I'll be in my own little room among hundreds of other students all working towards the same general thing - a better future, and something constructive to fill the time with before facing the real world. Everyone's so alike, but nobody's me except for me. And that's what's really filling my head, because I don't know what to do. It's hard to focus on an imaginary world when I'm so invested in trying to figure out my ow and dream up ways to make sure it turns out well.

Plus, I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to put up with that a year early. There are tons of other people leaving, and I know we all mature differently, but it sucks leaving home at 17. I mean, I could've done a victory lap, but I never, ever wanted to. I don't see the value. In all honesty, I think they're stupid. Unless someone has a damn good reason to be taking one (ie expressly needing to be at school to experience one thing or another) they should be out doing something valuable for the community rather than sitting on their asses in a school. I get that people may not be ready to leave home. That's fine. I just don't see the point in taking up space. That part bothers me. Unless there's something you really need to be learning, you could be learning by working part time and also volunteering or something.

Before I get into that rant and offend people more than I likely already have, that's why writing's so rough right now. I've never been in a situation where I desperately want to avoid writing. It's not like writer's block where it's indifferent, this is either I really want to write but can't or I don't want to go near it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously afraid of creating something and having it backfire, which could reflect my own world. Or maybe I'll become so invested in something that I completely abandon my attempt to recreate myself at university. Who knows. All I know is that this is the most ominous blank page that I have ever stared at.