Walls

I've run into the wonderful problem that is writer's block. I'm hoping that by writing this blog post I can get into the proper head space to crawl into the mind of a character and get writing. It's at the point where this is causing me physical pain. I keep tensing up just about every muscle in my body (especially my forearms) and now everything is strained and sore (if it's not seizing). Plus now I keep psyching myself out. I can't just relax and write. Now I'm left just kind of struggling for a fully formed idea (I can't come up with enough plot for a paragraph, let alone an entire story - not that I usually write with a plot in mind). I keep thinking I have one and then I lose it. So we'll see. I'm going to go give it another shot. Ta-ta for now!

Gettin' There

I have officially started about three new projects. We'll have to see how they go. I'm hoping they turn out well. Oh, make that four. I found another one in my head I'd like to work on. This is all part of the magic, sitting here and getting the first little bit for a few million things and finding ones that work. Which is what really makes it enjoyable, but frustrating on the days when you just want everything to work. It shows how many places your mind can go, and also proves that nothing's perfect. If you're honestly so shallow as to assume that anything you write is perfect you've got a hell of a lot of work to do. You can be proud of it, but everything can be improved. That's why I get so frustrated with old work, because I can see exactly how it needs to be improved. Perfection is impossible, but continuing to try and always trying to improve your skills is what will really make you a good writer. If you think you've got it down, you'll become stagnant and it just...won't work. That spiraled off into a wonderful block of text, I'll stop talking now and getting working.

Death and a Tiny Religion Rant

Sooo, my great uncle died this morning. He's been in a nursing home for a number of years, and lost the ability to recognize, well, anyone a while ago so I'm not too, too torn up about it (I didn't know him very well before that, anyways). Does it suck? Yeah. Do people die? Yes. All the time. People who are young and healthy and haven't lived a very successful life. Does it still suck? Definitely.

I just want to point out that while my family appreciates condolences and thoughts and stuff, if anyone specifically prays with me in mind and tells me about it I'm not a fan. I do not believe in that sort of thing. If it makes you feel better, go right ahead, but please don't completely disregard my beliefs and pray to a deity that isn't mine about me and then point it out to me. I appreciate the sentiment very much, but I'd rather just be in someone's thoughts than their prayers. Thank you. (Please note that I speak only for myself when I say this, I am not by any means speaking for my family, as I'm absolutely certain they all have their own opinions on this matter.)

Stats Review

Oh, I forgot something in my last post, and figured I'd post again rather than edit that, since it was getting rather long and this is exciting for me! As I have mentioned before, I like looking at my stats. They make me happy. Especially when I get a lot of views from a place I wouldn't expect to show up. And today that place is Latvia. So, hello to my Latvian readers, I hope you stick around.

Slow Going

I'm starting on a new idea as of today. Since I'm not sure how long I'll stick with it, but I suppose it's about time I get back in the game. I've discovered that when there's a lot of stuff going on, that's it's really difficult to get on with writing. I've had other things to do while I've been up to my ears in writing as well, but never anything like this. Those other times always involved more imminent deadlines. Nothing was quite as concrete, and there was always room for procrastinating. Plus, the things weren't that big. But this time, I can't procrastinate because huge changes are ahead for me in the very near future.

For the first time in my life, I'm on my own. I know it's a transition period, and I'm not really on my own, but my parents aren't living with me. I'll be in my own little room among hundreds of other students all working towards the same general thing - a better future, and something constructive to fill the time with before facing the real world. Everyone's so alike, but nobody's me except for me. And that's what's really filling my head, because I don't know what to do. It's hard to focus on an imaginary world when I'm so invested in trying to figure out my ow and dream up ways to make sure it turns out well.

Plus, I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to put up with that a year early. There are tons of other people leaving, and I know we all mature differently, but it sucks leaving home at 17. I mean, I could've done a victory lap, but I never, ever wanted to. I don't see the value. In all honesty, I think they're stupid. Unless someone has a damn good reason to be taking one (ie expressly needing to be at school to experience one thing or another) they should be out doing something valuable for the community rather than sitting on their asses in a school. I get that people may not be ready to leave home. That's fine. I just don't see the point in taking up space. That part bothers me. Unless there's something you really need to be learning, you could be learning by working part time and also volunteering or something.

Before I get into that rant and offend people more than I likely already have, that's why writing's so rough right now. I've never been in a situation where I desperately want to avoid writing. It's not like writer's block where it's indifferent, this is either I really want to write but can't or I don't want to go near it. Sometimes I wonder if I'm subconsciously afraid of creating something and having it backfire, which could reflect my own world. Or maybe I'll become so invested in something that I completely abandon my attempt to recreate myself at university. Who knows. All I know is that this is the most ominous blank page that I have ever stared at.