If you haven't already heard, on October 10, 2012 Amanda Todd - a victim of horrific bullying - took her own life. She wasn't yet 16.
This hit me really hard. In grade 10, a girl in my grade hanged herself because of the same reason. Nobody had any warning. One day she was just gone. While we weren't friends, I was in a bunch of classes with her and we were both in the school play the year before. The last time I spoke to her was on anti-bullying day.
But people had warning for Amanda. She put a video on youtube detailing all that she had gone through a month before this all happened. And either nobody noticed, or nobody was able to step in and take it seriously and help this poor, broken girl. This has been happening all to often.
One of the worst things that I'm finding are all the heartless comments on articles and copies of her original video. People are blaming her. Since when is it appropriate to blame the victim? Ever? It's like the view that wearing a short skirt means you're "asking" to be raped - it doesn't work like that. Speaking from experience, NOBODY asks to be bullied. I don't care if you don't approve of her behaviour or think that she didn't learn when she should've, she was still beaten and tormented and abandoned by everyone. Nothing warrants that. Nothing.
There's also the view that she's a horrible, selfish person for committing suicide because it doesn't accomplish anything. It doesn't get the bullies to stop. And it does hurt those left behind. But don't you dare imply that it's selfish. Is it selfish to want someone to make it stop? Is it selfish to want to not hurt? I don't care how much you've been through and that you're still here - she couldn't take it. And that's what matters. She had put up with so much that she just wanted the hurting to end. She was in so much pain that she couldn't hang on any more. That is nobody's fault but the bullies' and those who didn't stop them. Her family is hurting, her friends are hurting and all of us who have ever been affected by bullying should be hurting too because someone out there felt so alone that they had to take themselves away from those who loved them, even if they didn't show it enough. And now they'll never have that chance.
This needs to stop. I know writing this isn't going to help, but sometimes it helps to write it out. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that everyone has been a bully at some point or another, even if you try not to be. Sometimes that little comment you make hurts someone more deeply than you can possibly imagine, even if it's perfectly benign to you. We need to stop that, and stop the outright stuff too. Online or off, we really need to learn that what we say and do impacts others. Even if you feel justified, don't do it. It'll take a conscious effort and a lot of time, but people can change. We can also be nicer. Sometimes sitting with someone or asking the lost looking person just sitting there when assigned to groups to join yours can make all the difference. You may just meet someone for a class, or you could make a friend. You never know, and if nothing else, I can guarantee you that that person will appreciate it more than you can know. Sometimes the little things add up, and that goes in either direction. Maybe if we're all better people at least most of the time we won't be losing anymore beautiful children. Maybe.
It's worth a shot.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
The Thing About Me and Adrenaline
For those of you who haven't clued in - I'm crazy! No, seriously. I suffer from a clinical mental disorder. I have OCD, as well as accompanying debilitating social anxiety disorder (we're investigating if it's a product of my OCD or a separate condition). Alongside that I've had to deal with depression, and self-harm (moderate cutting and dermatillomania - ie obsessive skin picking). Because my best friend also suffers from a mental disorder, we decided to vlog about it, and our experiences. We've had a very positive response so far, until today when someone decided to be very accusatory and a total know-it-all because he happens to suffer from something that I mentioned. Rather than say what he didn't like, he (paraphrasing here) said that we aren't qualified to talk about mental illness, and his is more difficult to deal with than ours.
That upset me. Immensely. I can take constructive criticism. I can respond well to that, and figure out how to adjust it when people tell me what I did wrong. Instead, he belittled our efforts to provide a positive space for other people going through similar things to what we are. We weren't at all trying to say that we know everything. That couldn't be farther from the truth. In the context of the video, I simply mentioned that borderline personality disorder is an example of mental illness, and that people are often misdiagnosed as bipolar when they have bpd, which means that they aren't necessarily given proper treatment. Which is bad. I was more trying to bring more awareness to bpd (which is often very overlooked, sadly), but I suppose my intentions were misunderstood. Now I'm fretting that I've done something wrong and also very angry that someone would have the audacity to be so cruel about it. I checked out this gentleman's channel, and he seems to discuss bpd in all his videos, presumably to raise awareness, much the way we are (although for us in a more general way right now). It's like he thinks we're enemies when were working towards a common goal - showing that there are others out there going through things and that sometimes life is tough. I get the feeling he's the sort who blames everything on his illness, and that the world hates him. Sometimes you just have to go through it and make the best out of it. Be someone with and illness, don't let it define you. It's only a part of the bigger picture, and it's all about what you make of it. My friend and I are turning it into an opportunity for us to bond, and to hopefully help others.
The side effect of me being so antsy about this has to do with adrenaline. When I get agitated, my flight response goes into overdrive and I shake uncontrollably, get chills and have difficulty breathing. It also usually leaves me exhausted, but unable to sleep for a very long time and with a horrible headache. Basically, in his search for conflict, the lovely composer63 has left me extremely ill, but I'm sure he's sleeping just fine. In the future, the folks at luneverse (our channel) shall just delete those comments if they aren't polite.
That upset me. Immensely. I can take constructive criticism. I can respond well to that, and figure out how to adjust it when people tell me what I did wrong. Instead, he belittled our efforts to provide a positive space for other people going through similar things to what we are. We weren't at all trying to say that we know everything. That couldn't be farther from the truth. In the context of the video, I simply mentioned that borderline personality disorder is an example of mental illness, and that people are often misdiagnosed as bipolar when they have bpd, which means that they aren't necessarily given proper treatment. Which is bad. I was more trying to bring more awareness to bpd (which is often very overlooked, sadly), but I suppose my intentions were misunderstood. Now I'm fretting that I've done something wrong and also very angry that someone would have the audacity to be so cruel about it. I checked out this gentleman's channel, and he seems to discuss bpd in all his videos, presumably to raise awareness, much the way we are (although for us in a more general way right now). It's like he thinks we're enemies when were working towards a common goal - showing that there are others out there going through things and that sometimes life is tough. I get the feeling he's the sort who blames everything on his illness, and that the world hates him. Sometimes you just have to go through it and make the best out of it. Be someone with and illness, don't let it define you. It's only a part of the bigger picture, and it's all about what you make of it. My friend and I are turning it into an opportunity for us to bond, and to hopefully help others.
The side effect of me being so antsy about this has to do with adrenaline. When I get agitated, my flight response goes into overdrive and I shake uncontrollably, get chills and have difficulty breathing. It also usually leaves me exhausted, but unable to sleep for a very long time and with a horrible headache. Basically, in his search for conflict, the lovely composer63 has left me extremely ill, but I'm sure he's sleeping just fine. In the future, the folks at luneverse (our channel) shall just delete those comments if they aren't polite.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Gay Marriage
Anyone who knows me knows that I am very pro equal rights, and I'm very vocal when it comes to gay rights. A few minutes ago, I was watching an amazing pro-rights video and read the comments, some of which disgusted me. Many of them were based heavily upon religious views (I only noticed Christian arguments, and it's also the relgion I'm most familiar with), so a lot of this shall be in response to the things I read and how I feel about it. I'd like to recognize now that there are extremists who are cruel on both sides, and not everybody who calls themself something believes in the same thing as others, and I'm in no way trying to insinuate this. If I lump people together, it's the people who take it too far, although I may use vague terminology.
So here's the scoop. I really don't care about someone's religion, or their opinion. I am not going to argue with someone who feels that being gay is wrong. It's not fair of me. I may view their opinion as wrong to me, but I will not deny them the right to possess it, and I'd expect the same courtesy from them. I'm not going to fight that battle anymore. I used to, and I still feel the same way about it as I used to, but I've realized it was cruel of me to tell people that their opinion is wrong. That's the thing about opinions. They can't be wrong. They can be ignorant, but, really, they can't be wrong, they're opinions not facts (although presenting an opinion as fact can be disputed). The thing is, when someone's opinion causes harm to others, it's no longer fair. It's valid, but the use of it is one of the worst things someone can do.
What's the harm in this you may ask? You're denying someone else the rights that you enjoy. And why should you be able to enjoy it if they can't? What makes you so different? You believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman? That's great. You're free to marry the person of your dreams who is of the opposite gender. Nobody's asking you not to. But perhaps someone doesn't love someone of the opposite gender. It's not going to hurt your marriage because it's theirs. Your idea of marriage doesn't have to change. You just have to move over a bit so someone else is free to enjoy their version.
I hear a lot that gays can be common law partners or whatever and that's fine. Why is it fine? Why is that any different to you than marriage? Realistically it's an extremely important bond between people that they display in a legal and public manner. Maybe they grew up in the same culture as you where people want to get married. Not every gay does, and not every straight does either. But should everyone have a choice? Not everyone who gets married (even if it's a man and a woman at the focus of the ceremony) believes in a religious version of marriage. They just happened to love someone and want to get hitched. Why shouldn't that stop, too? Why should this be the one thing that people zero in on to enforce? Many people conveniently forget parts of the Bible, such as the slavery, the sacrifice, the shellfish. There's no need for this to be the one thing that people impose on others. If a same-sex couple happens to ask a member of your clergy to marry them, your clergy can say no on the grounds of their belief. That's fine, but should those people not be able to be married in a secular ceremony, the same way that so many men and women are married? Those marriages aren't viewed as invalid, last I checked. They're different, but that doesn't make them wrong.
At the end of the day, it's all about love and loving someone enough to extend the same rights that we enjoy. Love them enough to make their own choices. Is the basis of most Christian belief not that the Lord loved humanity so much that He sent to them His only son? Are you not supposed to love your neighbour, even if that neighbour is gay? Is that not a positive thing? Should you not love someone enough to make their own decisions, as they will do when they love someone enough to decide to marry them (which should be the basis for all marriage, in my opinion, and I'm sure the opinions of many others, regardless of stance on what marriage should be)? Sure, feel free to present your opinions and reasoning to them so that they can understand where you're coming from, but offer them enough love to listen to their reasoning and let them make their own choices. Do not stop them from choosing. If someone who believes in what you do can make the decision to believe whatever they do, and you trust them, trust others. Love them enough to make their own decisions and live their own lives but do not stop them from doing so. Believe in what you'd like, but something like this does not affect you. Fundamentally, they are not asking you to marry someone of your own gender, or to not believe in what you do. They are just asking for your courtesy and respect. Love them enough to give it to them. Love them enough to support them. Love them enough to stand aside and let them appreciate the same things you do. Love them enough to make decisions for their own immortal soul if that is what you are worried about. If your God is loving enough to see that you are being respectful and loving and that you are not allowing someone these pleasures because you do not believe, but because you believe so much in Him and his love for all that you will not stop someone from being happy, I think your soul should be safe. Let them make the decisions about their soul themselves. It does not hurt you.
So here's the scoop. I really don't care about someone's religion, or their opinion. I am not going to argue with someone who feels that being gay is wrong. It's not fair of me. I may view their opinion as wrong to me, but I will not deny them the right to possess it, and I'd expect the same courtesy from them. I'm not going to fight that battle anymore. I used to, and I still feel the same way about it as I used to, but I've realized it was cruel of me to tell people that their opinion is wrong. That's the thing about opinions. They can't be wrong. They can be ignorant, but, really, they can't be wrong, they're opinions not facts (although presenting an opinion as fact can be disputed). The thing is, when someone's opinion causes harm to others, it's no longer fair. It's valid, but the use of it is one of the worst things someone can do.
What's the harm in this you may ask? You're denying someone else the rights that you enjoy. And why should you be able to enjoy it if they can't? What makes you so different? You believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman? That's great. You're free to marry the person of your dreams who is of the opposite gender. Nobody's asking you not to. But perhaps someone doesn't love someone of the opposite gender. It's not going to hurt your marriage because it's theirs. Your idea of marriage doesn't have to change. You just have to move over a bit so someone else is free to enjoy their version.
I hear a lot that gays can be common law partners or whatever and that's fine. Why is it fine? Why is that any different to you than marriage? Realistically it's an extremely important bond between people that they display in a legal and public manner. Maybe they grew up in the same culture as you where people want to get married. Not every gay does, and not every straight does either. But should everyone have a choice? Not everyone who gets married (even if it's a man and a woman at the focus of the ceremony) believes in a religious version of marriage. They just happened to love someone and want to get hitched. Why shouldn't that stop, too? Why should this be the one thing that people zero in on to enforce? Many people conveniently forget parts of the Bible, such as the slavery, the sacrifice, the shellfish. There's no need for this to be the one thing that people impose on others. If a same-sex couple happens to ask a member of your clergy to marry them, your clergy can say no on the grounds of their belief. That's fine, but should those people not be able to be married in a secular ceremony, the same way that so many men and women are married? Those marriages aren't viewed as invalid, last I checked. They're different, but that doesn't make them wrong.
At the end of the day, it's all about love and loving someone enough to extend the same rights that we enjoy. Love them enough to make their own choices. Is the basis of most Christian belief not that the Lord loved humanity so much that He sent to them His only son? Are you not supposed to love your neighbour, even if that neighbour is gay? Is that not a positive thing? Should you not love someone enough to make their own decisions, as they will do when they love someone enough to decide to marry them (which should be the basis for all marriage, in my opinion, and I'm sure the opinions of many others, regardless of stance on what marriage should be)? Sure, feel free to present your opinions and reasoning to them so that they can understand where you're coming from, but offer them enough love to listen to their reasoning and let them make their own choices. Do not stop them from choosing. If someone who believes in what you do can make the decision to believe whatever they do, and you trust them, trust others. Love them enough to make their own decisions and live their own lives but do not stop them from doing so. Believe in what you'd like, but something like this does not affect you. Fundamentally, they are not asking you to marry someone of your own gender, or to not believe in what you do. They are just asking for your courtesy and respect. Love them enough to give it to them. Love them enough to support them. Love them enough to stand aside and let them appreciate the same things you do. Love them enough to make decisions for their own immortal soul if that is what you are worried about. If your God is loving enough to see that you are being respectful and loving and that you are not allowing someone these pleasures because you do not believe, but because you believe so much in Him and his love for all that you will not stop someone from being happy, I think your soul should be safe. Let them make the decisions about their soul themselves. It does not hurt you.
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Where I've been
Life is super hectic as my first year starts to come to a close. I have several research products/presentations that I need to prepare, and soon I'll need to start studying for exams so I can bring my marks up, so I haven't really had time to write. I'm not sure if I'll be doing Screnzy this year or not. I really want to, since I enjoyed it last year, but April is when I'm writing my exams. I'll have to measure my ability to deal with both and go from there, so it's up in the air at the moment. I do have an idea for it, though, so if I decide to do it, it'll all work out.
But, yeah, this is where I'm at. That and having major deja vu apparnetly. It's so distracting I've lost what I was going to say. Anywho, cheers for now!
But, yeah, this is where I'm at. That and having major deja vu apparnetly. It's so distracting I've lost what I was going to say. Anywho, cheers for now!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Melodrama!
Is precisely what my last post was. I was having a very, very bad day. I'm better now, though. I'm also about to, once again, get on the road to revision. This time I'm going to a print shop and having them make a copy of my manuscript so I have physical sheets of paper to mark. I'll keep an update on how it goes, and describe my person process as I discover it. I'm quite excited.
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Indefinite Hiatus
I give up. My head's not being very nice, so writing is going on the backburner if not in the garbage. Probably won't be back, but we'll see.
If you've actually read any of this, and aren't simply propogating your own blog (since, yeah, I do check my traffic sources), thank you.
Cheers and good luck
If you've actually read any of this, and aren't simply propogating your own blog (since, yeah, I do check my traffic sources), thank you.
Cheers and good luck
Saturday, February 04, 2012
:)
I'm writing again. I'd stop to say more, but I'm on a serious writing high and it feels great, so I'm going to get back to exploiting that. Until we meet again (hopefully sooner than this past chunk of time).
Cheers
Cheers
Friday, December 09, 2011
Note About Previous Post
I realized after posting that a lot of what I said sounds very anti-Christian, and you're right, in a way it definitely can be interpreted as such. However, this is not in any way intended to portray ALL Christians as the bad guys, since anyone, regardless of what they call themselves, can be cruel. It cannot be attributed to any one group. It was not my intention to present any sort of animosity.
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